It all started with a conversation, some tears, a feeling that it was time to realize another DREAM, the thoughts were starting to ruminate, reminding me daily that it was time to make another change it was time to let go, surrender and trust!
My word is “inspire” (be yourself but be your best self), my value “integrity” (wisdom is knowing the right path to take … integrity is taking it), my path is still unfolding (one of the happiest moments in life is when you find the courage to let go of what you can’t change and move forward).
Decision made … I let a couple of days go by to settle into reality, to allow the universe to settle into the change, to start to orchestrate the magic and align all of the energy needed for this to journey to take place.
I gave notice at work, a relief that set in immediately, I started to let go.
I started to tell my friends and family.
The reactions and responses of people one by one as I told them of my journey ahead, some positive, some negative, some simply closed the conversation and walked away. It has been fascinating to not only hear what each person has to say but to see the look on their face, the language in their body and then more importantly for me is to notice what then happens to me, take a moment to hear the thoughts in my mind, the feelings in my heart and most importantly the reaction in my body. Feel it, allow some space, respond (or react) and let it be. Being an introvert, processing is an important part of any interaction for me, so I write, process and let it go! (most of the time)
I started to pack. I started to purge. I started the process once again of downsizing, the process of letting go! It is about witnessing the reactions as I let more and more stuff go, I am not a materialistic person anymore (or so I thought) but noticing the reactions I was having to getting rid of stuff! This stripping down, this letting go, this minimizing is all part of the unfolding of self, letting go of the habitual sides of myself, letting go of the comforts, the familiar and standing their naked in nothing. Peeling layer by layer.
Taking down the vision boards, the quotes, the sayings was a difficult process for me, my unconscious mind sees these uplifting messages each and every day. I started to realize after they were down and packed away the absolute magnitude and power they have to my unconscious mind.
My senses have become accustomed to an environment that supports me in every way, the smell, the sound, the lighting, the privacy, the visual, the messages, the quiet; day by day taking one of these items away and living without it has been a transition and a noticing of how important these simple things are to my overall comfort and well-being. On the very other hand, this preparation for the journey I about to undertake has been imperative, I notice the freedom I feel with the emptiness, the nakedness, LESS.
It’s funny how when I start to come to the end of something I always find myself reflecting on the beginning. It is interesting to note because part of my learning in this lifetime has been to notice and become aware that I stay longer than I could in jobs and relationships, always holding on to the hope that if I just keep trying harder and doing more somehow it will change and the ingrained social conditioning; what I have been trained to do even at the cost of our own emotional well-being. I believe that as I start to change, I notice the gaps between the old self and the new self become smaller, thinner, shallower and I am making progress. It is success.
The actual planning of where to go started the day I spoke with Jenny and “I am going to travel around the world” blurted out of my mouth. I went home that night, with her blessing in hand, and registered for a month-long meditative retreat in Crestone, Colorado, USA. I booked my flight and this was to be the start of my journey. From there I had no idea. I bought maps of the countries I wanted to visit, I searched online for meditation and yoga retreats, I asked everyone I knew in the meditation/yoga world for recommendations and I waited. I waited for signs, I waited for signals, I waited for the journey to unfold in front of my eyes and it did. The universe was still teaching me patience, trust and letting go of control on such a colossal level, I really had no idea. I encountered some frustration, some anxiety, and a ton of fear! I heard the voices in my head saying to me “who are you to plan a trip around the world”. I was scared. As I let the plethora of feelings and emotions come and go, be with them, process them, it all came together and an itinerary was finalized.
Right now in this space that I reside in my mind, I am seeing everything from a witnessing witness perspective, everything is unfolding and I feel like I am watching a movie. Each person that crosses my path is a gift, here to teach me a lesson, to become a good friend, to be a teacher, a student, to be someone just passing through, someone to share a smile with, or someone who rocks my world.
As the delicate weaving of the path continues, I am in awe at the coincidences, serendipity, people showing up from past parts of my life, only the universe can orchestrate that! It is all part of the plan. I am excited for the opportunity to watch the unfolding of this experience,
I have spent countless hours planning, organizing, trying to control every aspect of the trip many, many months down the road. Its time to let go of control, and trust that the universe has my back, the right things will show up at the right time.