The Journey Inward

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It has been 2.5 months since I made this monster decision to travel the world, letting go of my job, a place I know I can come back to anytime and resume my position as a volunteer counsellor.  Counselling fills my soul, allows my light to shine and allows me to be of service to those in need.  Stepping out of a relationship – that my intuition reminded me relentlessly that something was not quite right – no matter how much I argued back I couldn’t ignore its strong signals anymore even though it broke my heart in many ways.  A temporary move out of a cottage and neighbourhood that I loved, the cottage would resemble a place that I used to imagine and visualize as a child.  I loved small spaces as a child and always imagined myself living in a tiny space all by myself one day as a full grown adult, everything eventually comes full circle it seems.  Leaving a circle of friends and family who support me, love me and would do anything for me, not saying goodbye but see you again soon.

Thoughts of this journey have been swirling in and out of my mind for years just waiting for the right time.  Now is the right time for many reasons, one is my daughters, who have been the centre point of my life for the past 20 years, are now full grown adults in secure relationships with solid partners.  A healthy functional relationship between a mother and her daughters requires a stepping away, a detachment as these adult children spread their wings and fly which means it is time for me to spread my wings and fly too.  Our children are not ours to keep, they are ours for a short time and then we must set them free to live the life they are mean to live.  Each one of us is simply a soul who has come down to this earth to learn a lesson, to serve a purpose, our children are no different.  They were put into our lives for a reason and we in their life for a reason, we made soul agreements before we came.  I believe that our children are our biggest teachers.  I have learned some of my most valuable lessons from my children.  They did what they came here to do as far as I am concerned now they have to complete their own journey whatever that looks like.  We will always be a part of each others lives and journeys, only different.  This has been the most difficult transition of my life thus far, it has taken many years of letting go little by little, allowing my children the freedom to grow, open and spread their wings and fly away.

I have been inching towards living a life with little or no resemblance of social conditioning and letting go of the way I am suppose to be, what I am suppose to do and most importantly what other people think.  This too is a slow process and part of this journey involves another step towards living a life that resonates with my soul.

This decision has not been mine alone and I need to make that really clear, those of you who know me, know that I live my life with a strong belief that Intention is the start of the co-creation process with the Universe, once the intention is set and orchestration is set in motion and the magic starts to unfold bringing the desired results.  I have seen it unfold over and over again in my life, so many times and believe with all my heart that the plan for my life is already in motion and I am just following the pathway.  It is my pursuit to keep uncovering my purpose and live life to the fullest while I make my way to this place.

It has been a slow process in realizing this concept, in trusting, in letting go, in surrendering but in doing so I have let go of the struggle!  I live my life in the now!  I strive to develop an attitude of complete acceptance and openness toward all experiences.  I believe that each experience is a gift, a lesson, a transformation of some part of you and who you are & who you want to become.  It is in these lesson’s that we grow, we become, we open, we allow, we continue to unfold to the person we truly meant to be!

My hope for this journey is to continue to unfold, an inward free fall of  introspection, curiosity, letting go of the conditioned patterns of behaviour, uncovering the habitual sides of myself, allowing each experience to be as it is; to notice my reaction/response to each and every situation, to take each experience and allow myself to accept it as it is without needing to change anything about it.  To continue to be in the moment, to be able to come back to the moment, to ground, centre, nurture myself in any and all situations.   I hope to see deeper inside myself, to accept myself fully without judgment, to forgive my past mistakes, to let go of perfectionism and most importantly to let go of control.

Letting go has been a process, a journey into detachment, an unleashing the baggage.  An unpacking of this imaginary backpack I carry on my back, behind me.   I cannot see it but I certainly feel the weight of it in my heart, in my mind and in my body, it is still there, my hope is to dig deeper into this imaginary backpack and find those unconscious emotional assumptions and release them …

 

 

 

 

 

 

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