That moment when your journey is confirmed …

Upon arriving at the Ashram I knew something was different, a feeling, a settling down, a letting go, a peacefulness, a confirmation.  As the days have unfolded here at the Ashram each day is another confirmation of my path, my journey, confirmation that I am on the right track, the right path.  All the wonderings, the questions, the insecurity, the conditionings have all come together in a bright light of confirmation.

All roads lead home … something a wise teacher once said to me, at the time perplexed, now an understanding that each one of us is on our own journey which is unique, creative and original.  As light workers it is our job to share our journey so that others may be illuminated, so that others can begin their journey, so that others have the opportunity to see that we are all simply conduits of the universe to spread light and love.  To share what we have learned but first we must start with ourselves.


Since arriving in this spiritual place, Anand Ashram, each day a new confirmation, a new learning of my place in this world and my mission in this lifetime.  The journey is our path. Life moves in circles continuing to give us pain and pleasure; we cannot know one without the other.  It is the gifts in the pain that bring us to the pleasure.  The first stop on the journey is “self”, the whole journey is internal it is your blueprint.  Our mission is to go within and cultivate acceptance, appreciation, love, compassion, values, understanding the difference between wisdom and intelligence, step out of conditioning, detachment all leading to the proverbial peeling of the onion layer by layer.

“It is only in the womb of great suffering that happiness is conceived”.  Anand Krishna

It this womb of great suffering we make choices to keep going or to give up, to wake up or to stay asleep.  The later is the easier path, it is easy to become the victim, to blame, to let anger eat you alive and let the world pass you by; it is in the climbing, the taking responsibility, the self love, the compassion, the gratitude, the letting go, the detaching and the constant continuing to come back to the self that allows freedom.

We are conditioned from an early age, our parents, our teachers, our mentors, our community, the media all who tell us that success is what you have, your wealth is how much money you earn, how many material possessions you have, what kind of car you drive and how many friends you can gather.  Conditioning tells us that we are to go to school, get an education; get married, have babies, work hard, retired and die.  What kind of life is that?  Conditioning keeps us stuck in a mindset that does not allow creativity, uniqueness or individuality; it creates confusion, it creates unhappiness.  What good is the education, the money, the house, the car, the status if you are not living your passion or following your heart, if you are stuck?   I lived this life of conditioning for many years, stuck in the rut of wanting more and more and more, trying desperately to fill a void that seemed to only get bigger the more I accumulated, the more I stayed in line and followed.

Conditioning keeps us trapped even when we find our creative passion we can be lead down the wrong path, our EGO mind is powerful, in finding creativity we need to allow ourselves the pleasure of creativity without the need for compensation.  What if we simply created and let the rest unfold without holding onto the need for compensation, for something in return.

It is when we step out of conditioning and into our hearts, into our passion, into our creativity, into our uniqueness that we start to feel alive.  We start to live the life we were meant to live.  This is not an easy road because we have been conditioned to worry about what others think of us, we worry that we are not successful according to society’s expectation of success, we worry that we are not who we “should” be in the eyes of others. We chose a life of conditioning so we will not be judged, criticized, analyzed and it is a painful existence.  Only when I started stepping out of society’s conditioning of who I thought I should be did I realize the rut I had fallen into and how deep I had gone down.

Our mission in life is to simply find inner peace and the only place to find it is already right inside you!  The height of spiritual living is giving in service to others without expectations; sharing your gifts, offering a smile, giving compassion – this is living in spiritually, you are moving closer to becoming your own version of buddha.  The Buddha is symbolic to remind us that we all have the capacity to reach this state of being – the one who is awake.

What is this awakening?  It is coming to terms with life, it is joining the flow of  life, it is taking a seat to allow your witness to surface, it is taking the gifts out of each situation, and every experience.

We are always changing, the only constant in life is change;  to be inconsistent is to grow. Our mind is always growing and changing which means our opinions, our way of living, our thoughts, our ways of being in the world is always changing.  That is inconsistency.  To be the same all the time is boring, its not living an awakened life.   Change is the road to Moksha, Enlightenment, Nirvana.  It doesn’t matter what name you give it, we are all seeking the same things.

  • Moksha is freedom and liberation;
  • Enlightenment is bodhi awakening, insight into truth, knowledge, the “blowing out” of disturbing emotions and desires, liberation
  • Nirvana is to be a state of perfect quietude, freedom, highest happiness along with it being the liberation from samsara, the repeating cycle of birth, life and death.

Is it possible for us “regular” human beings to attain such states of consciousness?  I believe so, with a general template, with some regular practice and devotion to yourself, your creativity, your uniqueness and your individuality, I believe it is possible.

In my meeting with Guru Swami Anand Krishna I received the confirmation I was seeking – that I am in the process of transcending my mind and allowing my soul to be the voice that leads me.  In transcending the mind, intuition steps forward and guides me along the way.

I had the pleasure of a counselling session with Swami Anand Krishna.

We started with a Tarot card reading, he asked me to shuffle the deck 9 times.  I shuffled.

He asked me if I felt a sense of being spiritual in my childhood?  I said I did not recognize it as spirituality but I recognized that I was different.  I felt different but did not understand why I felt this way. I felt a deep sense of compassion.

The cards indicated that I had been born with a strong sense of spirituality, perhaps my roadmap, my blueprint.  If only I knew back then, it only took me 46 years to reclaim my birthright.

A tarot card reading told me that I have very strong cards in the past Shiva.

  • Shiva – “the transformer” within the Trimurti, the Hindu trinity that includes Brahma and Vishnu.  In Shaivism tradition, Shiva is the Supreme being who creates, protects and transforms the universe. (wikipedia)  Eternity, destruction and the new beginnings (lingam) along with the symbol of creativity.
  • Lingam – is seen as a symbol of the energy and potential of Shiva himself. (wikipedia).

Born with very spiritual energy, will go through some inner transformation that was postponed for a long time, so engaged in material life you forgot your past, there was a tragedy which made you realize your blueprint, your roadmap and you worked very hard at life, like a race horse accelerating, a reclaiming of your spiritual essence.

The path of wisdom card.

  • Get yourself out of the way and become attuned to a more spiritual view.

This card can sometimes makes you very dry, you can be a good yogi, a good spiritualist but you can become dry as you continue on the path of your past (spirituality).  The Guru suggested including a devotional aspect to my practice.  Rituals.  Something to surface your inner feelings.

He said that this acceleration might not be accelerated; it could simply be you are recalling all the memories from the past, which feels accelerated.  Recalling your master plan.

Forces at work around you, be careful of who you associate with, you lived in a condition where association mattered, associations can enhance or destroy you.  You must decide between associating with the wrong person or living on your own.  Really living on your own terms and not depending on the external factors will be great for you.  Not many people around you or in your life will be able to understand what you are going through, work on your own.

Develop more love.

Devotion. 7 chakras, 7 times chanting or chant one round of the mala!

Mothers Goddess – “Om Shriye Namaha”

Genish – “Om gumganapataye Namah

  • Ganesha is widely revered as the remover of obstacles, the patron of arts and sciences and the deva of intellect and wisdom.  As the god of beginnings, he is honoured at the start of rituals and ceremonies. Ganesha is also invoked as patron of letters and learning during writing sessions. Several texts relate mythological anecdotes associated with his birth and exploits and explain his distinct iconography.

Ganesh is the Lord of Good Fortune who provides prosperity, fortune and success. He is the Lord of Beginnings and the Remover of Obstacles of both material and spiritual kinds.

The whole philosophy is we create a symbol of consciousness, we project it in the form of a statue.

Any questions? he asked.

How do I move past my insecurity of fulfilling my dream ... what comes up for me – who are you to live such a dream?  I don’t have a degree, certification … but when I get out into the world living my passion, my birthright, there is inspiration from a higher power. I feel it, I see it, I know it is not me speaking, something, someone is speaking through me.

Devotion will help build the capacity to understand the you are  just an instrument, its not about you, your are nothing, the Devine is working through you, if someone is benefiting from what the instrument is doing, hail to the devoted one.  To do what you do as a service, offering, forget the word “help”, you cannot help but you can Serve.  Not to become arrogant or egotistical.

What is the difference between power and strength?

Difficult in english, add the word force, Shakti, sometimes translated to mean power, sometimes strength – inner, inside you and it’s totality.  How to manifest Shakti? Through meditation to access the source and manifest it, for what?  For the benefit, for the welfare of all; your welfare is included but when its for my your own benefit it becomes egotistical. To manifest that Shakti  is to translate your power or strength through Bala, something you develop now using your mental and physical facility, what you develop is Bala to enhance Shakti, the Bala part gets developed on its own to compliment your life path.  

As an awareness facilitator, mental and intelligence will be developed further.  Seek he first god and all shall be added to thy, seek this inner power, Sakti and everything else will be added to thee.  

  • Sakthi, meaning “power” or “empowerment” is the primordial cosmic energy and represents the dynamic forces that are thought to move through the entire universe. Shakti is the concept or personification of divine feminine creative power, sometimes referred to as ‘The Great Divine Mother’ in Hinduism. (wikipedia)
  • Bala is a Sanskrit word that has several meanings: “young,” “powerful,” “strength of mind” and “child-like,” among others. In Hinduism, the term appears most often when referring to youth, as in bala Krishna (“young Krishna”) and balasana (“child’s pose”).

Is seeking inner strength continuing regular practices of mediation and yoga?  

Guru says Bikram yoga is not yoga, follow “Live Yoga” and read “Bhagavasd Gita”

You say in your book no one needs a Guru, people don’t need a guru yet you are a Guru how does this makes sense?

The West had identified the institution Guru as a priest, the West is done with the priest.  Guru has enlightened his life in the sense that he is not living in the darkness, as we do, so he is not enlightened, he in the process of enlightenment.  If we understand this properly there is no full stop in enlightenment, you cannot say you are an enlightened being.  When we consider the Guru as an enlightened being, we project all the good things on the guru, we are fashioning the guru based on our own perceptions but when they don’t live up to our expectations we fall out of the guru, he is also in the process of enlightenment and he shedding his light. 

Would you then look upon a Guru as a leader, as inspiration someone you could take teachings from but taking responsibility for your own lessons, your own path ?

A real guru is pointing the way you have to do your own walking … 

The height of living a spiritual life is giving back, through service, through volunteering.  It fills me up more than anything, I get confused sometimes, living this spiritual life I think I have to be this particular kind of person but really you can meditate in your life without sitting in meditating, in OM?  I can do yoga at home with more intention and the right kind of knowledge.  This has been a confirmation that I am living a spiritual life.  My spiritual life is not just sitting in meditation, it is being in the world and sharing my gifts, sharing my love, giving in service of others.  

Sharing is the whole thing about life.  

It lifts me up more than anything being able to give back.

Reincarnation?  My understanding is when we die we go back to the soul world and we decide what we want to accomplish in this next lifetime, we make agreements with other souls, chose our parents (those who will help us realize our master plan)  we then come back to earth to play it out; the people who show up in our lives have made agreements to help us accomplish what we have set out to accomplish, the good, bad and the ugly.  When we spoke of this before your explanation was that when we die and in the process of transition, a movie screen of our life that plays out in our mind then at 7 months gestation we remember why we are here again.  Please explain?

We remember we are born with certain commitment, certain plans, a master plan to realize but again what your explanation was earlier is the same thing I am just telling you, the time frame, you spoke of meeting certain souls, all of this happens in the 3 minutes after death when of your movie screen plays in this time frame.  

It is being revealed by scientists when the body is clinically dead the brain is still alive for 10 minutes because you still need that part of the brain to show you all those pictures, all those things are happening to create the next master plan.  This is the soul world.  99.9% we remember at the age of 7 months while in the mother’s womb.  We remember the significant parts of our master plan.  

People who are born for the last time, those who have realized their plan come back with full memory, like Jesus and Buddha and complete their task to serve.  When they die they become dissolved into the existential world, the last part of the soul quest.  When we die our minds are solid and we immediately start looking for another body to continue journey. When someone who has completed their master plan, like buddha, his mind is not solid anymore, it becomes fragmented and becomes part of the existential world, leaving garbage, the most expensive garbage, leaving small fragments.  Through meditation you can connect with these fragments and in doing so you can feel a quantum leap, you can raise your consciousness to Buddha’s consciousness.

Is this the place in meditation where you feel like you are about to jump off a cliff, soar into another realm, enter into a state that is unfathomable to the mind where we are about to connect with the existential realm?  The place where it feels like you black out, it feels like you get kicked out, where your conscious mind jerks you back into reality?

Yes these are the steps of getting to the quantum leap, to that experience, its the steps leading you to that experience.  Sometimes you don’t feel it but when you are out of meditation you feel it, the outlook towards life is changed, your perception of yourself and the world around you has shifted.

You speak of 51% as this place we can reach where all the human effort starts to pay off, where you don’t have to work so hard.  In the first 51% we are climbing and after that we live in grace.  Is it through meditation and living a spiritual life that we can attain this 51%? 

Devotion.  Can I relate myself to Ganesh?  Maybe not so easy to connect to Ganesh, maybe easier to connect with Jesus or Mother Mary, when you meditate on these historic persons, these energies you can connect easier.  Perhaps easier with a form you are more familiar with, the Guru is someone you are very familiar with, you can talk to him anytime, when a Guru is dead and this Guru is a buddha, he is enlightened, it will be easier to connect with this fragment, this where guru comes in … guru is more valuable upon his death.  

Aren’t we all though? In ordinary life, people don’t have the same appreciate for your gifts until your dead?

Yes, same thing.

So through the practice it solidifies through perception.   Some of the things that didn’t make sense, make sense.  Everything has changed for me, the way I am in the world, so different, so changed, I am always grasping at those steps of how did I get to where I am, sometimes they are not definitive, the come through the etherial world, I climbed this ladder to get there, you say be creative, unique, how can I clearly articulate it, it’s my journey, not anyone else’s?

This is our job, find our journey and share it to inspire others to take their journey.  The West has made a mistake trying to put it all it into a scientific manner, each person will take steps in their own unique way to their awakening.  Spirituality is different than religion, there are no scriptures just pointing the way to you.   I have learned from so many masters in my life, I consider someone as my Guru, as my guiding light but I cannot do the things he did, I cannot repeat his life, I live my own life, I am very grateful to him. I am inspired by him but I must live my own life.

Does everyone need to have a guru, a guiding light, an inspiration that leads the way?

For many years in my life until I was 19, I started my journey early, I rejected many Gurus, although met many, then something happened and I met one Guru, I considered him as my Guru he did not acknowledge me as his disciple, he just said what he wanted to say, he did not take disciples.  From my experience having a Guru, the right kind of Guru was important to make me realize I am not the doer, I am not the doer.  It is through his blessing that I remember what we talked about, how we talked, how we conversed, what he told me are meaningful to me they are very private and on a subjective level to me, very subjective.  I would say yes.  It is one of the blessings but don’t consider him as your saviour, Guru cannot be a saviour, he is just pointing the way.

Can it be many?

Yes, many.  

I have never had a devotion to one Guru, I feel like it might open my heart, perhaps take me to the next level of my spirituality?

I think you have my point, I have been meeting so many times with this guru for many years, when you have developed this kind of devotion you will realize that it is not possible in any other kind of relationship.  Partner, wife, girlfriend, this unconditional love is easier said than done, when you have this kind of figure where unconditional love is really unconditional you have met your Guru and you will experience the true meaning of unconditional love.  We are perfecting it every minute. 

Love, lets talk about love?  You said love is ignorant.  Yesterday, a young man asked what then does it mean when my mother tells me she loves me, I am coming from the parent perspective?  How is the love towards my children ignorant ?

I was being very subjective, subjective to him.  From my perspective, in the East we still have joint families, we still have people living together for generations, brothers married and living in the same household as mom, once the man has a wife then the mother is feeling insecure, love is being divided, how is that unconditional?   The insecurity is not said but psychologically it happens.   When we are able to look at relationships from other’s perspective we are closer to unconditional love.  When this feeling of insecurity is there then love is not unconditional.  It is the ultimate in letting go, you have done your job as a mother/father after that it is his/her life.

Let your children unfold, let them develop their potential, let them blossom, water them, keep them safe, feed them, nourish them, then let them go. (Anand Krishna – Life A Traveler’s Guid to Journey Within)

 In the West this is happening more than in the East, in the West it happens more smoothly because it is a value.  In the East, the older generation is dependant on the younger generation.  Living in the West gives us a  good opportunity to practice unconditional love.   Attachment is suffering.  

Certain Western values are good and certain Easter values are good together we can create a universal system.  

What values do you see in the East and in the West?

East is spirit, West is scientific and logic, both are very important – these two things need to be combined.  Family values but the old family values should not be shunned altogether, the West can learn certain values from the East and the East from the West, both living life on your own terms.

If they did join it would be a beautiful thing – what is missing in the West is caregiving of elders, some of the happiest cultures in the world care and cultivate elders.  They have celebrations of wisdom and cherish their elders.  In the West this has been lost. 

The book Being Immortal written by Atul Gawande has been an eye opener for me, people living in the old peoples homes, the book explains that after 60 years there is no medication the elder’s their biorhythms are simply going down.  Gawande is pointing to one solution. Care for our elders, bring them into the family allow them to be with the children.  He explains that the system in the Netherlands where old folks homes are attached to a preschools, elders are are living happier lives.  

You are a very beautiful example of the school system and what is possible. Statistics on these children will be fascinating to see how different they live their lives, is that the purpose?

Yes that is the purpose.  We propose adding one more class each year, financially taxing for us, 50% of the children only pay $15 per month including meals.  Taxing, still hoping for donations.  We cannot hire a full time english teacher because of funding, these children need an english teacher, this is the biggest problem for the children, they can excel in any situation except negotiation where they will fail miserably because they cannot speak english.  We need some help there, first of all volunteers as the immediate solution but ultimately looking for an english teacher, perhaps an elderly person, someone over the age of 60 where getting a Visa is not a problem.  For anyone under 60 getting a Visa can be a problem but obtaining a retirement visa is not a problem.  The teacher would be provided with lodging and boarding while volunteering at the school.  We need a teacher who can be full time eventually but in the meantime, we need volunteers, spread the word, please. 

Spreading the word, does anyone know anyone who would like to come and live in Bali for as long as they can (visa considerations 60 days, leave the country come back for another 60 days) and volunteer at the One Earth School teaching english to these children.  Preschool up to grade 7.  A teaching certificate is not required.  Please pass this onto anyone you think might be interested and would be a good fit.  The volunteer would be expected to live according to the values of the One Earth School practicing meditation and yoga daily with the children.  Food and lodging would be provided.  

Is there anything you would like to tell me, about me?

You are undergoing change for good, for better, you are here to share, you have developed this motherhood in you, the motherhood that encompasses all, you will become a mother of the universe.

An enlightening experience to sit with Swami Anand Krishna for one hour and have a conversation about life.  I will be forever grateful as I move forward on my journey and share all that I am and all that I will become.




















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