See you next time …

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One more day, I can feel my heart starting to ache and I haven’t even left yet. A still quietness has arrived and I feel an anxiety churning in my solar plexus. As I lay my weary head down into my old faithful memory foam pillow, Archie, the wiry haired mutt terrier crawls into my lap and demands my full attention. I close my laptop and pull him closer to me, we snuggle. He leans his body weight into mine and allows my touch to sedate him into a deep sleep. His snoring is beautiful white noise that lulls me into a deep sleep. I hear the pitter patter of tiny feet above and I am instantly awake and excited for another day to unfold with these two beautiful souls. I notice right away a heaviness in my heart, a deep sense of sadness that joy is leaving now. I throw the blankets aside as Archie wrestles his way back onto my body and looks into my watery eyes with his dark, sensitive, chocolate brown eyes as if sensing my heavy heart, I immediately feel his compassion. My eyes fill with water as I pull him close, acknowledging his sense of knowing. As I reach the top of the stairs I see her tiny face peering through the slats of the baby gate, my heart skips a beat, I smile and say “hello beautiful” – her face lights up and my heart skips another beat. Today is my last day immersed with these untethered souls, they have hijacked my heart and it is breaking moment by moment. Spending my final day in their presence keeps my undivided attention spotlighted on each one as the day unfolds. The last hour I feel the pressure mounting behind my eyes as I try with all my might to contain it but there is no point, the tears sting my eyes and drip down my cheeks as I have my final moments immersed in their world. The wiggles blaring from the 60 inch screen; my precious Peyton dancing like nobody is watching, tiny Hadley wiggling in my arms. My heart can not contain the love I feel, my mind can not fathom a day without them, my body wobbly and shaky as I prepare to say the final goodbye. I hold them in my arms and tell them I love them and I’ll see them soon. Tears streaming down my face, as I put her down she cries for me to pick her up again. I turn and walk away my heart breaking into a million little pieces. Not goodbye my little ones but see you again soon.

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